Top Ten Things Found In Eric's Apple News Letters

10. A 3rd party supplier is developing an appletalk device that can detect snide Apple computer jokes 4-5 seconds before they are told!

9. To supplement lagging hardware sales, Apple has turned a 3 Billion dollar profit with their new best seller "Business Practices We Know First Hand Don't Work".

8. New secret advertising campaign that portrays Windows '95 users as crash test dummies.

7. Trying to keep up with management trends, Apple hired a housewife named Jill Gates as CEO - another bad management decision...

6. Last quarter Apple released a proven CURE FOR CANCER but went unsold, because Microsoft will release a similar product next year.

5. Clever new name for new OS: Apples 9.5

4. Rumor has it that one of the M's in MMX really represents Macintosh!

3. To attract Intel crowd, Apple computers will now include label: "Crash Compatible".

2. Saturn car corporation looking to buy out Apple to add to their cult like following.

1. Another 3rd party supplier will release a device that responds to Apple jokes by referencing Apples on-line response database and e-mails perpetrator an exhaustive rebuttal via e-mail and pager only 3 minutes after joke has been deployed.