Top Ten Signs Our Copier Is Having Trouble

10. Three employees have lost a finger - this month alone. 9. Panel frequently displays "EMM386.EXE ERROR. 8. Instead of paper, it mysteriously shoots out AOL start-up disks. 7. Having to sit on copier leaves very unprofessional butt imprint on copies. 6. Service company recently installed a 25 cent per copy meter. 5. Lawn mower style "start cord" broke last week. 4. Frequently used as a paper shredder. 3. Only works in "Rhorshock" mode (that ink blot test). 2. Service company recently sent a counselor to discuss "Dealing with the loss of a copier". 1. Sounds suspiciously like dot-matrix printer.