Top Ten Tippy the Turtle Complaints

10. After 3 periods of losses, Tippy resigns from TippyMart - Currently run by TippyMart founder Eric Benson, until new CEO is found. 9. Hampster next door gets cute little wheel to run around in; Tippy gets a stupid Geo. 8. Clause in new service contract states that if a turtle at B*ss Pro's aquarium gets sick, Tippy will be given as a loaner until new turtle arrives. 7. Unavailable due to lost paperwork. 6. Upset to find out that "Turtle Wax" is for cars. 5. Someone accidentally put a service tag on Tippy and he was left on a shelf for 18 months. 4. Finally gets a cage with no problems - can't afford payments... 3. Ordered carrots and turtle food from Comp*q and can't eat because it is back ordered 3 weeks. 2. Unavailable due to lost paperwork 1. Newspaper usually used for Tippy's cage is now used to line the floor of Men's bathroom!